Please, enough with the boycott chatter

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I’m a little bothered by the antagonism some feel for Chick-fil-A. I’m a guy who gave kudos to General Mills for having the courage of its convictions and standing up for same-sex marriage and against Minnesota’s anti-gay amendment. It was not a popular decision considering gays represent such a small part of the total population of America, and that the bulk of General Mills consumer customers may not agree with the company’s position. But General Mills made an honest decision based on its corporate values. And I’m okay with that. But Chick-fil-A has also stuck to its corporate values, only in the opposite direction — its Cathy family owners are absolutely against same-sex marriage. And so it is being targeted by gays and others who would like to see a national boycott against Chick-fil-A. That would be wrong, just as it is wrong for people who are against same-sex marriage to launch a boycott against General Mills and its products. Chick-fil-A, like General Mills, does not discriminate against any group of people, it will gladly sell its products to all Americans. So everybody should just chill out with the boycott chatter. When Chick-fil-A starts banning gays from its restaurants, or General Mills refuses to sell its food products to people who don’t agree with its beliefs, then we can talk.

Mars astronauts doomed to ‘grumpiness’ from planned veggie agenda

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Well, here’s what we know — the astronauts who will man America’s first planned flight to Mars, around 2030, had better like vegetables. Because, apparently, NASA is only working with vegetarian meal menus since meat and dairy products cannot be preserved for such a long journey. No disrespect to NASA, but I would rather slash my wrists with a dull blade than spend years being forced to eat vegetarian food. Forget water-boarding, what could be more tortuous than what NASA has planned for these astronauts? Like, what do broccoli, carrots, asparagus, kale and spinach have in common? They are the five courses of a  five-course dinner aboard a US spacecraft headed for Mars. C’mon, you mean to tell me science lacks the technology to create meat, dairy and other non-veg products that can be sustained for the journey to and from Mars? Don’t Twinkies last for years?

The racist BK Fried Chicken Wrap crisis

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Okay, I have watched the Mary J. Blige Burger Chicken Snack Wrap commercial five times and I can’t see the “racist” connotation that has been applied to it. Not that it isn’t racist, but, being a white guy, I’m pretty sure the nuance flew right over my head. To me, it was just another boring commercial about another ho-hum chicken sandwich. Yet according to Madame Noire, a website that appeals to black women and which excoriated Ms Blige for doing the BK spot, fried chicken that is associated with blacks is deemed blatant racism by the black culture. Question: why didn’t Ms Blige, who IS black, pick up on it, refuse to do it, and save herself being scolded and Burger King being branded “racist”? As for you, BK, no, I don’t think you’re racist, but, hey, next time you push fried chicken, play it safe, hire Justin Bieber. And, oh yeah, fire your agency! Agencies are supposed to know these ‘racial nuances’ and protect their clients from such harm. May J Blige should never have been hired in the first place for this TV spot.

Better to use the bushes than be trapped by another government plot

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Talking urinal cakes? “Hey, listen up. Yeah, I’m talking to you. Had a few drinks? Maybe a few too many? Do yourself and everyone else a favor. Call a sober friend or a cab. And don’t forget: Wash your hands.” The Michigan state police are thinking about placing these talking urinal cakes, called Wizmarks, in select places. You know what, I appreciate the thought (who wants drunks on the road?), but I deal with enough nagging in my life and do not need a sweet-sounding female voice speaking to me from the bottom of a urinal. And what if there’s more than a voice in these urinal cakes? What if these urinal cakes take pictures? What if the pictures taken by these urinal cakes end up on a government website, or even worse, on YouTube? Or what if these devices are a new IRS trap with cameras that recognize our stupid faces staring down at the talking urinal cakes, and blurts, “There you are, you piece of low-down dog dung, pay us what you owe us, or else!” Or else what, the next time we use a urinal, the talking urinal cake blows up and takes us out? Go ahead, laugh if you want, call me stupid, or paranoid, I don’t care, I think this is a new and hideous plan hatched by an omnipresent government to plot our movements. Which is why I will use the bushes from now on.